Lanzarote 1998, the latest in the series of endurance safaris to be offered by Club Dugdale... trip if you dare

Club Dugdale is proud to present to you the latest epic from the Canary islands. Cunningly disguised as a holiday, you will be escorted on an apparently harmless trip to the lovely island of Lanzarote. Here you will pause to bask in the warm evening air as you step from the plane having left the February weather of Britain a mere four hours drinking earlier.

That will be your last moment of happiness ... For what follows is a week long ritual body abuse that feels like an endless voyage through the stormy seas of depravity, and we all know who's at the helm - Club Dugdale

The itinerary for your first day :

• Go to bed at 6.00 am after way too much booze

• Get kicked out of bed by Satans Spawn after 4 hours 'sleep'

• Drag yourself to a beachside cafe for a plate of lard

• Make a feeble attempt at volleyball for the amusement of the locals

• Wash, and prepare for the evenings entertainment

• Drink, alot - until about six in the morning

• Dance like a rampant cat on crack

• Vomit on yourself, the beach or a friends back (in any order)

• Repeat until : [a] you are dead, [b] it is time to go home (in any order)

23 May 2003

Created for the Spike Doctors